Confessions of a Fat Girl

Warning: LONG POST AHEAD and some strong language

That's right. I said it. FAT GIRL. That's me. The token fat girl. A few events this week have definitely pushed me over the edge to the point where I'm going to embrace my fatness and vow to change the opinion of society. (Of course, I am definitely pipe dreaming here - goodness knows that society will probably NEVER change it's views on the overweight but I'm going to make a damn good effort!)

All of this newfound courage has definitely been fueled by my reading "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life" by Wendy Shanker. First and foremost let me say that Wendy is amazing. She's charming, she's funny, she's real and we're kindred. Enough said. Secondly, I realized how angry I am because I'm made to feel like an outcast 99% of the time simply due to my weight. I'm going to try to change that - to not let outside factors influence how I feel about myself. Of course, two specific events this week did not help.

Today I was the receiptent of one hell of a slap in the face. The intentions were good I'm sure, however, the delivery was poor. I was shopping at Borders during my lunch break. I needed to relax because I was having a particularly stressful day and I wanted to pick up some magazines and something sweet. (Let me also add that I was having a TERRIBLE day with PMS, etc. It was an 800mg Advil day) One of my co-workers comes into the bookstore and begins to follow me around. Honestly, she's a sweet person but definitely overzealous in the "self-help" and "let me help you" department. I casually mentioned that I was going to pick up a brownie and head out when she proceeds to say that she'll be back in a second. Ok - no biggie. I figured she was looking at books for herself. She comes back with one about emotional issues and overeating. She suggests that it might help me with my struggles. Uh, ok...not really sure where the struggles are. It was just a brownie. She goes on to tell me that the author goes around conducting seminars that are expensive but helpful for those of us that are "overeaters". He tells us why we eat - what emotions trigger this.

I didn't quite know how to handle that one. Trust me - I don't believe it was malicious. Like I said - poor delivery. I just smiled and said "No thanks. I'm good." Truth was - my face stung from the slap. WOW. Why not just say "Hey you fat heffer. Here's a book you should read that some guy wrote about why you are so horrible and fat. Maybe it will prevent you from shoving your face full of brownies and all the other foods you enjoy." Yep - that's the interpretation I heard.

Secondly (and more minute) I had an altercation with an Escalade full of middle-aged jackasses. A friend and I were headed to Chipotle for lunch and I turned the corner to get ready to pull into a parking spot. The car was pulling out, so I figured I would pull in when they were finished. Meanwhile, an Escalade with about 5 middle-aged guys in suits pulls up and whips in. They just looked at me in disgust. I guess I'm not worthy of lunch. So, my friend and I get out and I can feel the fat girl bubbling up inside of me. She was angry and hurt. Had I have been a beautiful, thin girl, they probably would have gladly waved me into the spot. But no...I was a lowly fat girl. Frumpy and undeserving of any respect or God forbid modern chivalry. They all got out of their oversized SUV and laughed to each other. I, on the other hand, steamed. My friend steamed as well. She was appauled and I was embarrassed. I did however tell them that I didn't realize Chipotle served that many pricks at one time.

I'm not sure of the moral of my stories. Maybe I just want people to know what it's like to live in a fat world. Maybe I just want to vent for a minute. Maybe I'm taking Wendy Shanker to heart. Maybe I want to make a change and this is the first step. Maybe I want sympathy. Maybe I want to be left alone. Who knows. All I know is that the fat girl has awakened. She's here and she's going to stay.