Nothing is worse than a reformed Twinkie eater...

I really do not know how to start this post today. I'm battling a plethora of emotions right now - from anger, to hurt, to downright depression, back to anger, etc. Here's the deal people - why is it socially unacceptable to discriminate or make fun of a person based on gender, sexuality, race, age, etc., but it's perfectly fine to mock weight? Help me to understand this.

Let me set the scene for you. Yesterday, I am at a party with Scott's family. It's his cousin's first communion. We should be happy, everyone should be celebrating, right? Well, we're sitting outside on some picnic tables and I'm sitting there minding my own business with about 10 other people. All family members. Remember that - FAMILY members.

My oldest is across the way playing on the monkey bars and my little one is playing with bean bags. I'm sitting there enjoying the sun (because it's been so dreary here lately) when I hear my father in law say "Hey Ginger - we can make ten-thousand on America's Funniest Home Videos". He then proceeds to tell me to go over to the swing where my husband's cousin is swinging (she's a bigger girl, too) and get on the one next to her so they can videotape it and send it in after it collapses.

What? Ok - did you just call me out in front of all of these people? You really did not just do that.

Once the shock wore off, I said "Thanks for singling me out in front of all of these people". Yea - thanks a lot. It wasn't bad enough that I was having a particularly bloated day, but now you've managed to call me out as being a Fatty McFat in front of the ENTIRE FAMILY (at least 9 people were sitting there) and tell me that I'm fat. Thanks. That felt GREAT.

I went into the bathroom and cried. On the Biggest Loser last season, Holly (one of the contestants) said that the one thing that you always remember are the comments people have made. It's so true. That one will stick with me for a LONG time. It stung. I don't think he could have come over and slapped me and it stung any worse. Words can be much more powerful.

The problem is this. He's a reformed Twinkie eater. His weight goes up and down. When he's on the downslide and losing weight, he decides that it's time to pick on heavy people. When he's on the upswing, he keeps quiet. Right now - downswing. Like I said. Nothing is worse than a reformed Twinkie eater.

So, here I sit, beating myself up for not being a size 2. I've done this my entire life. Battled the comments, the discrimination, etc. I wear a size 18. There, I said it. I'm an 18, people. I'm also 5' 9", and even at my thinnest (when I was a bulemic at 19) was a size 10. I'm never going to be a 2. Can I stand to lose some weight. Yes - I know that, though. You don't need to tell me. Do you think overweight people are in denial? No - we're not. We KNOW. But, what we need is for you to love us just as we are and accept us. The rest will fall into place. Oh - and before anyone starts posting about diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Doesn't apply here. My cholesterol is in the 120's, bp runs LOW and diabetes is not an issue. I don't fall into your sterotype.

I just had to get that off of my chest. It's been a long 24 hours. A lot of beating myself up. I've dealt with this my entire life, though. You would think that I would be used to it by now. But, I'm not. I guess I just want people to take me as I am. It's sad when I can be having a perfectly content moment and someone just come in and shit all over it - for no good reason really.

That's all. Just venting in between tears and anger. If you're reading this and you're the type to make fun of the "fat person" remember this - we have feelings. It hurts. You might not care, but you should.