Monday, April 07, 2008

Nothing is worse than a reformed Twinkie eater...


I really do not know how to start this post today. I'm battling a plethora of emotions right now - from anger, to hurt, to downright depression, back to anger, etc. Here's the deal people - why is it socially unacceptable to discriminate or make fun of a person based on gender, sexuality, race, age, etc., but it's perfectly fine to mock weight? Help me to understand this.
Let me set the scene for you. Yesterday, I am at a party with Scott's family. It's his cousin's first communion. We should be happy, everyone should be celebrating, right? Well, we're sitting outside on some picnic tables and I'm sitting there minding my own business with about 10 other people. All family members. Remember that - FAMILY members.
My oldest is across the way playing on the monkey bars and my little one is playing with bean bags. I'm sitting there enjoying the sun (because it's been so dreary here lately) when I hear my father in law say "Hey Ginger - we can make ten-thousand on America's Funniest Home Videos". He then proceeds to tell me to go over to the swing where my husband's cousin is swinging (she's a bigger girl, too) and get on the one next to her so they can videotape it and send it in after it collapses.
What? Ok - did you just call me out in front of all of these people? You really did not just do that.
Once the shock wore off, I said "Thanks for singling me out in front of all of these people". Yea - thanks a lot. It wasn't bad enough that I was having a particularly bloated day, but now you've managed to call me out as being a Fatty McFat in front of the ENTIRE FAMILY (at least 9 people were sitting there) and tell me that I'm fat. Thanks. That felt GREAT.
I went into the bathroom and cried. On the Biggest Loser last season, Holly (one of the contestants) said that the one thing that you always remember are the comments people have made. It's so true. That one will stick with me for a LONG time. It stung. I don't think he could have come over and slapped me and it stung any worse. Words can be much more powerful.
The problem is this. He's a reformed Twinkie eater. His weight goes up and down. When he's on the downslide and losing weight, he decides that it's time to pick on heavy people. When he's on the upswing, he keeps quiet. Right now - downswing. Like I said. Nothing is worse than a reformed Twinkie eater.
So, here I sit, beating myself up for not being a size 2. I've done this my entire life. Battled the comments, the discrimination, etc. I wear a size 18. There, I said it. I'm an 18, people. I'm also 5' 9", and even at my thinnest (when I was a bulemic at 19) was a size 10. I'm never going to be a 2. Can I stand to lose some weight. Yes - I know that, though. You don't need to tell me. Do you think overweight people are in denial? No - we're not. We KNOW. But, what we need is for you to love us just as we are and accept us. The rest will fall into place. Oh - and before anyone starts posting about diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Doesn't apply here. My cholesterol is in the 120's, bp runs LOW and diabetes is not an issue. I don't fall into your sterotype.
I just had to get that off of my chest. It's been a long 24 hours. A lot of beating myself up. I've dealt with this my entire life, though. You would think that I would be used to it by now. But, I'm not. I guess I just want people to take me as I am. It's sad when I can be having a perfectly content moment and someone just come in and shit all over it - for no good reason really.
That's all. Just venting in between tears and anger. If you're reading this and you're the type to make fun of the "fat person" remember this - we have feelings. It hurts. You might not care, but you should.

24 comments:

Jana said...

Absolutely inexcusable... I'm so sorry.

Angie said...

People are asses.

I'm an 18, too, and that's after losing 37 pounds, so I'm there with ya!

carla21 said...

I'm sorry Ginger. I've been there and it hurts. There are so many people who DO like you for being exactly who you are. Don't let this make you lose sight of that. ((hugs))

Carla

Barb said...

I'm so sorry too. I'll never forget my grandma telling me when I was a chunky, awkward 12 year old that "fat girls don't get dates, don't go to the prom, and never get married" I have NEVER forgotten that and I never forgave her, not even at her funeral.

His family is some piece of work. You're so much better than them, at any size. Being smaller doesnt' mean that you have any class or tact, does it?

Stacey said...

Ginger,
I love you just the way you are! Don't let these people get you down, they are meaningless!
Stacey

Corey said...

I'm so sorry you were hurt. People are mean. and yet we're supposed to teach our children to be polite and respectful. some people need to just leave their foot in their mouth so they can't say anything at all. I've battled my weight all my life, and am now in a place where I'm ready to tackle it - but there are people out to sabbotage you - I wish your fil wasn't one of them!

hugs - and keep up the great work - you've been working hard so be proud of yourslef!!!

Angela said...

So sorry you had to experience that. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have battled weight my whole life as well and I remember the comments more than anything that people have said to me. "You are so cute Angela, but you would be gorgeous if you would lose some weight."

Heard it my whole life. And I would LOVE to be an 18. My goal size is a 16. I am a 28.

I don't eat extremely unhealthily, I exercise, no diabetes, no thyroid problems, etc. It's just a part of who I am. Do I wish I could change it? ABSOLUTELY. I have tried more times than I can count. Diets, prescriptions, starving myself, making myself throw up...none of it worked.

I have lately been reading alot of the "Fat Blogs" and they have really helped. I have realized that the problem isn't ME, it's small minded people. It's taboo to discriminate or make fun of people based on race, religion (even though some do), disability, etc. Yet weight is a free target. Sorry for the novel...this is an issue I have dealt with far too often.

Here are some of my favorite reading spots, if you are so inclined.

http://www.bigfatblog.com/
http://fatlotofgood.wordpress.com/
http://the-f-word.org/blog/
http://www.bfdblog.com/


There are lots more, of course. Those are some of my favorite ones.

Again, so sorry you had to experience this.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ging-
Don't let people like that bring you down. What he said was rude, mean and hurtful not to mention class-less. I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I wish I could take the pain and hurt away. You are beautiful...in every single way my friend.
Hugs-
Tina

Jane Hasty said...

Oh G. I am so sorry too! My step father always said, "you're not fat-you're just pleasantly plump." Gee thanks! I lov eyou just hte way you are -you know that! See you soon, Jane

Trish said...

Oh honey! I love you exactly the way you are. I feel for you too--it has been a struggle for me for years. Hang in there--I'm thinking of you! Big hugs girlie--

JannaScraps said...

Dang...thats just, well, I don't even know what to say! I really like what Angie said...people ARE ASSES! But I will say that I've been there--right there with you. Same thing...in-laws have made comments, in front of others, shock-dismay-hurt. It sucks...how rude and mean can you get, right? Of course none of them are overweight. Me...yep, size 18. Have battled my weight since 3rd grade. It sucks.
But you know what...I know that people who truly love me see past that. I could wish and wish to be thin...but it really wouldn't change who I am.

Here's a HUG, girl. Don't let Twinky McTwinker get you down. He's just trying to show off that he's down for a "minute."

Take care, my friend. jw

Anonymous said...

Ginger... I love you girl! You are one of the most beautiful people I know! I miss you terribly! From one size 18 to another... ***HUGS***
-Janice

Heather said...

OH man Ginger I am so sorry that happened! I have been there as well with my inlaws and the sting never quite leaves the words that were spoken. I wholeheartedly agree with what Janna said in that the people who really love you will love you for you no matter your size! I love ya! ;) Hugs to you my friend and if I were there we would go out for some BIG dessert!!! :)

angiesparkles said...

Sometimes people are absolutely asenine and I hate them. I'm sorry, girl.

laura said...

I love you.

Sally said...

Angie summed it up better than I could.
My dh has battled weight all his life. People make snide comments to him/behind his back all the time. I wish those people could see beyond his weight because then they would see that he is a kind, genuine, fantastic, AMAZING person/husband/father/son/uncle. His weight has nothing to do with who he is. It doesn't define him. We(me and the kids)love him for all that he is.
Keep doing what you do. You're doing an amazing job. :)

Chrys said...

I'm so sorry Ginger. That's horrible! Some people just suck...that's for sure. Hugs!

Sarah said...

Hi, I came across your journal from Jen's page and your story sounds a lot like mine, except its my boyfriends parents, not my husbands. I'm just curious how you manage to live so long having to deal with things like that from them? I don't get along with my boyfriends parents and I often think of the idea "when you marry a man, you marry his family" and it makes me sick to think I'd have to deal with stuff from them my whole life. Have any advice to follow? How do you handle the situations and get over it/move on? I'd really love to know any information you can give.. Thanks! P.s I'm sorry if this is a kinda random comment.. I just don't know many in the same situation. :)

Kimberly Brock said...

Ginger,
That was terrible and my heart goes out to you!!! SOme people are just stupid & mean! We love you the way you are- a person shouldn't be judged- just loved unconditionally!!!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. This is so uncalled for. I am glad you posted this. Hopefully,it will remind others not to judge others. It hurts and it sucks. I wish I could give you a big hug. You look great and your beautiful. I love you just the way you are!!!
teresa

Michelle said...

I posted about being fat on my blog recently. Remember you can lose weight but people as ugly as your so called family member will probably always be U-G-L-Y! big hug!

Stefanie said...

Thanks for sharing such a painful story with us. I've never understood people that do that. Insecurity, I guess. Hang in there and know that you ROCK!

Shannon said...

That just plain sucks, pardon my language. I don't know why people have to be so cruel, I truly believe it's to cover up something they don't like about themselves. They just don't think before they speak and it's called ignorance. Hang tough, I've read about your progress last week and you should be very proud of yourself.

Kimberly P. said...

Preach on Sister!! I totally understand. It's hard espcially when it's family who think they are funny. I don't care if you are family, taking fat shots isn't funny. You rock!!