Monday, December 05, 2005

Why did you even HAVE kids if you weren't going to raise them?

Alright - let's discuss this. Last night on Desperate Housewives, Lynette's bosses wife (follow that?) says this to Lynette because she's trying to convince her to put her child in the office daycare. Now first - let me preface what I'm about to say with the notion that not all SAHM's are this way. I KNOW that. But, I had to talk about our former neighbor who said basically the same thing to me. She told me "Well, I invest MY time in MY daughter."



WTH? I just stared at her in amazement that she could be THAT insensitive. I've never been insensitive to SAHM's - I respect them and even to some degree envy them. When I went back to work after Maggie was six weeks old, I cried at my desk. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. But, these days, my daughter is proud of what I do and who I am. She tells her friends that her mommy "Scrapbooks" for a job. Fortunately, my bosses also understand work/family balance and they're wonderful about it.

Even though Desperate Housewives is just a show, the comment that she made went right through me. Why? Because I know it happens. On more than one occasion I've been made to feel like less of a mother because I work 40+ hours a week. However, those that criticize should also know that my daughter's teacher complimented my husband and I for working with our child and spending a lot of time with her. She said it shows. Thank goodness for observant teachers. Oh, and for Lynette's bosses wife - I AM a GREAT mother.

11 comments:

Tina said...

G- Amen sister... to all of it!
People can be sooo insensitive on a lot of different levels, and it just stinks. Don't judge until you've walked a mile in someone elses shoes.
-tina

Tina said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
amy said...

what a bunch of crap!
raising children consists of more than spending the entire day with them. in some instances, it can actually be more harmful than good.
the best thing for each child is to have parents who LOVE and CARE for them. and you do.

so BOO to the insensitive people who wrote that!

Barb Hogan said...

Believe me, girlfriend, I've heard that steaming load of crap from a lot of family members. My mom worked full time the entire time I was growing up and was nothing but an excellent role model for us. We were proud of her accomplishments. I think a lot of women who feel the need to sling this kind of crap say it because motherhood is all they can manage.

If men can work and be decent parents, women certainly can and most likely can do it better. You dont see people asking other men why they aren't staying home and parenting their children.

Cyndi said...

That episode really left me unsatisfied. What were they trying to say? Maybe the point was just to encourage discussion. It doesn't seem like anyone is really happy with their parenting/working situations. I'll be interested to see if they develop these ideas further...

totally me said...

The contant berating of mothers who work is one of the reasons I stopped listening to Dr. Laura. I actually sent my daughter to a homedaycare for preschool because the woman was much more intune with the children than the preschool teachers. Unfortunately I do know families That are the Why do you have children. its a very sad thing and gives working moms a bad reputation.


Meg

Heather said...

Ugh...hate ignorant people like that! I think it takes a lot more for a mom to work and be a mom....more power to you girl! And hey I have some paper for you if you want to trade some! Email me! ;)

Susan said...

amen sista!!! I like to say that I work outside the home so that I don't KILL my kids! while I totally am impressed with women who stay home and are with their kids 24/7, I am about ready to dive off the roof after a long weekend! I love my kids, and because of that I work......and the money to take them fun places and to better enjoy/appreciate the time we do have together. so THERE bosses's wife! lol!

CarrieC said...

HUGE Hugs Ginger! Being a working mommy is SOOO hard. For some reason some women always think that their way is the best/only way. YOU are a great mommy! :)

Lynne said...

let me tell you, speaking as an elementary teacher,that there are far too many moms who do not work, yet refuse to pick up their child when he/she is obviously sick at school. the kid was surely miserable before he/she ever left home, but mom doesn't want to miss her shopping date or lunch with a friend, so she sends the kid to school, then refuses to come retrieve said child when the nurse calls.
so what a load of crap, indeed. sahm does not =exempliary parent in all cases.

Shannon said...

I think it's sad that in 2005 women are still casting judgement at one another about the life they choose to lead. I think it's sad that society and the entertainment industry continues to promote this behavior.
I've done it all, stayed home, worked from home, worked outside the home and had a child watched by family, then in a home daycare, and also in a "formal" daycare. I was blessed to be home with one child as a toddler/preschooler and had to have another in daycare when she was that age. It's all about what works at the time and what works for each individual/family.
Chicks should all pull together and support one another instead of judging...maybe in 2006?